


Linhardt and the Chaotic Bisexual Club

by defessissima



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: I just want a gaggle of useless Bisexuals, Innuendo, Linhardt cannot be stopped, Multi, So much flirting, becuase Sylvain is a thot, bets are made bets are lost, but like make it gay, is there a tag for that troupe where someone thinks they can woo someone and fail miserably?, like an insane amount of flirting, this was inspired by the fact that LINHARDT HAS MORE PAIRED ENDINGS THAN SYLVAIN, who's the real cassanova now?, why didn't these supports exist?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:21:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24767671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defessissima/pseuds/defessissima
Summary: “Why didn’t you warn me?”“Warn you about what?”“Linhart! Why didn’t you warn me that he’s…he’s” Claude could’t think of the proper word to demonstrate his confusion.Dorothea raised an eyebrow. “-That he’s a chaotic entity beneath the lazy facade?” she deadpanned.Linhardt flirts with everyone and everyone attempts to flirt with Linhardt.Flirtatious and fun interactions between Garreg Mach's most notorious philanderers.Chapter 1: Reading Rendezvous (Claude/Linhardt)Chapter 2:  Three Strikes you're out! (Sylvain/Linhardt)
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault & Claude von Riegan, Dorothea Arnault & Sylvain Jose Gautier, Dorothea Arnault/Linhardt von Hevring, Dorothea Arnault/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Linhardt von Hevring/Claude von Riegan, Sylvain Jose Gautier/Linhardt von Hevring
Comments: 6
Kudos: 92





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sitting on this for awhile and decided to edit it at 1AM. I have another way more detailed and serious fic that I'm writing about Claude's backstory (Always on the Outside) and I desperately needed a change of pace. Honestly this little Quartet has SO MUCH POTENTIAL I don't know why there isn't more out there like this, Oh well. write the fic you wanna see in the world.

It was a beautiful day at Garreg Mach Monastery. Outside the window the sun was shining, birds were chirping and the flowers were in full bloom. However the library had no windows. Many students found themselves passing countless hours in the dark, working by candle light. Normally the library was quiet. Almost everyone was absorbed in their studies and minding their own business. Well almost everyone, Claude made it his business to poke his nose into others’.

There was the sound of a chair scratching against the floor. “Hey Linhardt, mind if I sit with you?” 

The scholar sighed dramatically. “What do you want Claude?”

“Want?” Claude asked, already making himself comfortable in the chair next to him, much to the eagle’s dismay. “Why do you assume I want anything, other than to promote inter house unity?” He smiled and let his shoulder gently brush against Linhart’s as he adjusted his posture. A calculated risk. Linhardt didn't so much as flinch as Claude expected from such a recluse. 

Linhardt didn’t even look up from his reading, his eyes moving with each line as if Claude was just a vaguely annoying fly buzzing by his ear.

“I apologize for my bluntness but I simply don't believe you,” he muttered.

Claude leaned forward trying to read over Linhardt’s shoulder.  He was expecting something interesting about crests, but to his dismay it was a book about different kinds of fish.  “I’m just trying to be friendly, reaching out to a fellow bookworm that’s all.” He pouted.” Do you really have that low an opinion of me?” 

“My opinion of you is obsolete.” Linhardt started, eager to end this tiresome interaction.”Its’ because it’s been three moons since school started and you’re here almost as much as I am. If you really wanted to promote inter house unity, you would have reached out weeks ago.” He flipped a page. “That leads me to three conclusions.” Linhardt put three fingers into Claude’s face. “You think that I have useful information for the upcoming battle of the Eagle and Lion, you want to know more about the empire’s politics, or that you have recently found out about my interest in cresteology from Marianne. ”

Claude was taken a back.  _ Shit, _ he really was observant, but it was Lysithea, not Marianne, who told him. That just meant that Marianne was hiding something too. He’d have to look into that later. 

Claude leaned back in his chair. “Impressive deductions. I guess there's more to you than just a pretty face." he mused.

"I hope the same can be said about you. Alas, I'm finding myself disappointed." Linhardt retorted without missing a beat.

Claude quickly masked his shock. He just wanted some information he didn’t expect the lazy healer to guard himself so well. "Didn't you consider that I actually want to get to know you? You are an interesting guy after all."

Linhardt pointedly flipped another page. "Interesting isn't a word I'd use to describe myself." 

“Oh then how would you describe yourself?” Claude rested his head on his hand and leaned in closer.

For the first time in their conversation, Linhardt looked up from his book. His eyes bore into Claude's, their noses almost touching. "Simple.” he said. “I’m a simple person with simple wants and needs. Interesting is a term better suited to describe someone who turns up out of nowhere, heir to a dying line. Someone who no one in Fódlan has ever heard of before. Someone with sun kissed skin and a moon shaped crest...Indeed, I would describe such an individual as... _ interesting _ ”.

Claude’s breath caught in his throat

Linhardt closed his book and started to gather his things. “As much as I would enjoy getting to know you better,”he said as his eyes looked Claude up and down, a lazy gesture that sent shivers down his spine. “This interaction has taken up my precious energy and I require a nap. If your intentions truly are to get to know me, then you may join me. But since I sincerely doubt your motivations, I'll see you in seminar, Claude.” Linhart gathered his things and sauntered away.

Claude sat there dumbfounded an unfamiliar warmth spreading over his face. It took him a minute to fully recover before he realized something.  _ Did Linhardt literally invite me to sleep with him? _


	2. Three Strikes You're Out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain strikes out

“Dorothea!” Claude shouted across the dining hall. She rolled her eyes and set down her tea cup. 

“Claude!” She shouted back with similar gusto. “How’s my third favourite heir to the throne?”

“I’m your second favourite and we both know it.” He slipped into the bench in front of her pushing some red head aside. “Why didn’t you warn me?”

“Warn you? About what?”

“Linhardt! Why didn’t you warn me that he’s…he’s” Claude could’t think of the proper word to demonstrate his confusion.

Dorothea raised an eyebrow“-That he’s a chaotic entity beneath the lazy facade?” Dorothea deadpanned. 

“--That he’s a minx." 

"Well don't you sound like a prude." she mocked. She was starting to get a glimpse at the full picture. "I didn't tell you because I thought you could handle it. A little taste of your own medicine.” She answered with an award winning smile. 

"I mean, a little heads up would have been nice." Claude shrugged "I didn't know he was so observant. It completely blind sided me. And the way he words things is oddly intense." 

Sylvain pushed Claude back trying to regain his seat. ”Wow Claude I thought you of all people would be able to handle just one weird little crest scholar.

Dorothea eyed him across the table. "He’s more than just a crest scholar Sylvain."

"Yeah, appearances can be deceiving.” Claude interjected. “I pegged him for the shy nerdy type, I didn't expect him to stare into my soul.”

Dorothea huffed. “You two just don’t know him very well. He's a bit of a flirt when he wants to be. I heard he even got Hubert to blush once.”

”The things I would give to see that.” Muttered Claude. 

“You two are just too naive for this sort of thing. I bet I could handle him just fine.” Sylvain smirked.

Claude tried hard not to roll his eyes. “I'd like to see you try. If I could barely hold my own against him he'll send you running for the hills.”  
“Oh let’s make this interesting, I bet that Sylvain here won't be able to woo Lin. If I win you two do my chores for a month.”

Sylvain’s eyes lit up. “And if I win, Then you have to go on a date with me.”

“Alright deal.”

Claude laughed to himself. “This’ll be fun to watch.”

Sylvain first found Linhardt at the marketplace in front of the eastern merchants stall.

"Hey Linhardt. It’s a beautiful day out, but not nearly--”

“If you're going to bother me, you might as well be useful.” Linhardt cut him off, dropping his basket into Sylvain’s unsuspecting arms.

It was a bit of a rough start, But Sylvain could work with this."I actually just came here to buy some tea, got any recommendations?” he asked.

“I do enjoy a cup of Almyran pine needle tea.”

“Is that so?” Sylvain picked out a tin of the aforementioned blend. “Maybe we can grab a cup together sometime?”

“Doesn’t that brooding swordsman you hang around also enjoy Almyran pine? I’m sure you would much prefer his company than mine.” Linhardt retorted while comparing snail and herring bait prices. 

“Who Felix? He’s not really one for conversation. Something tells me that you’d be much more lively.”

“Pass. I don't want to get in between whatever weird relationship you two have.”

“Felix and I don't have a weird relationship!” His defensive tone earned him a sideways glance from the green haired mage.

“You really are less self aware than i anticipated, perhaps that is what people find charming in you.”

“Oh, and do you find me charming?” Sylvain winked.

“I do.” responded Linhardt. “In the same way one would find a stray dog charming.” He plucked his basket out of Sylvain’s arms and started to walk away. “Go have some tea with your swordsman. You'll thank me later.”

Sylvain stood there dazed at the interaction.

Claude clapped a sympathetic hand down on his shoulder.“That’s rough buddy.” 

“I told you he has too much baggage.” Dorothea commented. “He doesn’t stand a chance.”

“Patience Thea, this is like a war of attrition, a battle or wills to see who gives in first.” 

“What’s he going to do? Annoy Lin into submission?”

“Exactly.” Claude smiled.

Sylvain folded his hands behind his head. “I’m right here you know.”

The next time that Sylvain saw Linhardt was in the library. After a tip from Claude, he was on his way with a new plan. He spotted the black eagle by himself at a table and made his move.

“You're cute when you're focused."

"Not interested."

“What? But I haven't even done anything.”

"It doesn’t matter.” Linhardt stated. “I have work to do and wherever you go there is eventually a very loud scene." 

"So you’re telling me you like it quiet?." He said with a smirk that Ingrid would have slapped him for.

"I like loud company in the right context. However, the amount of times your very public disturbances have interrupted my work is innumerable."

“Speaking of your work I heard you’ve got an interest in Crests.”

“You have heard correctly.”

Sylvain extended a hand out to Linhardt with a smile.“Would you like to examine mine sometime?”  
Linhardt looked down at the hand, so close to his own and seemed to pause a moment as if he was considering the proposal.

“While it is generous that you would volunteer your time so freely, I must decline your offer.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your crest just simply isn't that interesting. Your lineage is rather straightforward without much intrigue, and there don’t seem to be any ill effects of your crests, unless you count your short attention span and your sudden persistent attachment to me.”

“What can I say? I only really focus on what I find beautiful.” Sylvain says with a wink. It is somewhat jarring to hear someone so uninterested in his crest. To go so far as to call it uninteresting. Sylvain didn’t know if he should be offended or impressed.

Research wise, the only factor in your favour is that your bloodline is particularly strong. I could possibly test a theory based on crest transmission and inheritance--”

“Oh? you wanna learn about how crests are transmitted?” Sylvain took up Linhardt’s hand in his own. “Would you like to find out?” He purred.

“Sylvain--” Linhardt bit his lip as he started to trace the lines on the other’s palms. Sylvain felt a warmth spread across his face. “You have such calloused hands for a nobel. Is it from your lance practice?”

Sylvain wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of such attention. “You could say I have a lot of experience honing my technique.” He was desperately trying to gain control of the situation.

“There are much better things that you could use these hands for.” Linhardt insisted as he slowly withdrew his hands.

Sylvain’s blush started to match his hair. “What did you have in mind?”

“Reason magic of course. Annette is always so upset about how well you do without even trying. You really never apply yourself, not that I’m one to talk. But your aptitude for the magical arts is incredible.”

“Wait what?!”

“In fact There are several books on the subject that I can loan you. The professor has been insisting that I work on offensive magic recently--”

The third time Sylvain managed to hunt down Linhardt was in the dining hall. The green haired nobel was having a conversation with Edelgard who glared at him with intense suspicion. He sat down next to Dorothea. In his periphery he noticed Claude changing seats with Leonie to get a better view.

“Linhardt, you’re looking lovely as always.”

Linhardt looked ready to drown himself in his soup. “Sylvain. I’m done playing games. It's taking so much of my energy trying to avoid you.”

“There are other ways you could be spending that energy.” Sylvain suggested.

“Bold of you to assume I’d be the one spending energy.” 

Edelgard choked on her sweet bun sending the scandalized lord into a coughing fit..

“Life’s too short for just crests and naps, you should take a break and have a little fun.”

“Fun with you?” Linhardt looked at him in a mixture of repulsion and amusement. “I apologize, it’s only that I cannot fathom a single experience that would be improved by your company.”

“I wouldn't know about that, I've been told I’m loads of fun under specific circumstances.”

Their little display was gaining attention from most of the black eagles house most worryingly Hubert. It was a miracle that Ingrid hadn’t found and scolded him yet. If he had looked a little bit more to the left, he would have seen that Claude was doing his best to distract Ingrid from the entire situation.

“I don’t understand you. You’re a somewhat intelligent man, yet you sit there preening, with only seduction and conquest on your mind.”

“Do you like the view?”

“Doesn’t this get dull?”

“I’m never dull around you.”

“How is it that everything out of your mouth sounds like a euphemism?”

“Anythings a euphemism if you think long and hard about it”

With a start Edelgard stood from her seat. “Linhardt as your future empress, I demand that you make him stop!” 

With a sigh Linhardt turned to Sylvain, defeat apparent in his eyes. “What will it take for you to end this silly game?”

“Easy.” Sylvain said. His best Shit eating grin plastered from ear to ear. “Have tea with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to stop posting at 1am!
> 
> Next Chapter: Linhardt becomes a part-time therapist and Dorothea has a date.


	3. Hot or not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bisexual club gets into a heated game of Hot or Not

“Dorothea this is all your fault.” Linhardt grumbled angrily into the desk. He wrapped his arms around his head to block out the sun pouring into the classroom. “If you hadn’t egged on that philandering menace, then he would have left me alone and Hubert wouldn’t be blaming me for his actions yesterday.”  
Dorothea kicked his long spindly legs in response. “My fault? You’re the one that gave in and lost for the both of us. My only fault is having too much faith in you.”

Linhardt lazily raised his head from his arm pillow to glare at her. “Hubert was getting ready to kill one of us, my actions saved lives." He grumbled. 

"Either way we both owe each other." Dorothea paused. "You know, this could work in our favor."

“What are you proposing?” Linhardt questioned.

“I'm saying if I need to go on a date with him, and you promised him tea, we might as well do it at the same time, that way we can be each other's emotional support and we can get it over with quickly.” 

Linhardt’s eyes widened. “I see, one bird with two stones.”

“And with any luck we can kill him in the process.”

Linhardt raised a brow. “Aren’t you two friends?” 

“That remains to be seen.” Dorothea shrugged.

Sylvain sauntered into the courtyard unsurprised to see both of the black eagles waiting for him with a basket of biscuits and a pot of tea. He wasn’t disappointed per se, he was just happy to have company after his latest lecture from Ingrid. “So the two of you just couldn't get enough of me, huh?”

“More like we didn't want to individually suffer through your antics. Misery craves company after all.” Dorothea gestured for him to take a seat while Linhardt rested his face in his hand, seemingly seconds from sleep.

“Ouch that hurt, can't you see how wounded I am Thea?” Sylvain said mockingly, putting his hands over his heart and taking the empty chair across from them.

“You'll get over it.” Dorothea rolled her eyes.

“That harsh tone is gonna scare off some of those knights you've been after” Sylvain chided.

“Don't get me started. The last guy was an absolute nightmare. He left halfway through our date to go see the fish his buddy caught. Who does that?”

Linhardt turned to her with casual interest. “I don’t know, what kind of fish was it?” 

“Lin! That’s not the point. I need someone who would choose me over a fish. Someone who would actually pay attention and care about me.” Dorothea must have seen something over Sylvain’s shoulder. “Someone like him.”

Sylvain tried to be as discrete as possible as he turned around, but all he saw was Dimitri helping Ashe carry crates of newly repaired training weapons.

“Jeez Thea, I didn’t know you were into awkward nerdy type." 

“What!” Dorothea furrowed her brow. “Nerdy or not he could snap me in half with those arms and I’d say thank you.”

Linhardt stifled a laugh. 

“Look, Ashe is adorable and all but he’s got a long way to go before he’s snapping anyone in half.” Sylvain reasoned.

“Sothis no!” Dorothea looked appalled. “I meant Dimitri you absolute idiot”.

“You didn’t even consider for a moment that Dorothea was talking about his royal highness did you?” Linhardt pointed out. “For such a notorious philanderer you really seem to have a blind spot for your own house.”

“What? I don’t have a blind spot.” Sylvain insisted. 

“The fact that you’re in the hottest house in the monastery is wasted on you.” Dorothea lamented.

“My house isn’t-, Dimitri isn’t hot ok, I’ve known him since before he could tie his shoes.” 

“So even if you aren’t attracted to him personally, nothing about his golden hair, piercing blue eyes, and strong arms cry out hot to you?” Dorothea suggested wiggling her eyebrows.

Sylvain went pale over his tea cup. “Not when I’ve seen those arms snap lances like twigs.”

“You’ve just proven the opposite point,” Added Linhardt. “Not to mention he’s got that deep voice-”

“Alright enough, let’s talk about literally anyone other than Dimitri.” Sylvain set down his tea cup with more force than strictly needed.”

Dorothea put up her hands in a gesture of innocence, but her smile was wicked as ever. “Why aren't you protective of his majesty.” 

“Okay, what about Felix?” Linhardt suggested innocently enough, his peaceful cadence masked his true intention. 

Sylvain nearly choked. “What do you always wanna talk to me about Felix?” He sputtered. “Why don’t we talk about you Caspar, there’s got to be something going on there.”

A faint blush crossed the bridge of Linhardt's nose, Dorothea only saw it for a second before Linhardt decided to hide behind a sip from his own tea cup. “Caspar is like a bright blue puppy that follows me around begging for attention, besides, he has a long way to go before he’s even half as appealing as Felix.” 

“Wasn’t it you who told me dogs were endearing?” Sylvain smirked.

“Your barking up the wrong tree Gautier.” Linhardt sighed. “Besides, I don’t think it’s Caspar you’re always eyeing up at the training grounds.” 

Dorothea handed him a handkerchief. “Sounds like you’re deflecting.” She teased. 

“Am not.” Both of her companions said in unison. Both of them

Dorothea gave him a thoughtful look. “ You gotta admit, Felix must be in pretty good shape with all the training he does.” She gave Linhardt a knowing look, a look that said, ‘ _I’m bailing you out your welcome’._

Linhardt smiled sheepishly. “And the way his hair falls into his face as if asking you to push it back.”

“More like asking to get stabbed.” Sylvain grumbled. “Or worse, yelled at.”

“Ingrid’s cute too.” Dorothea observed. “The way she carries herself with such strength and conviction, and her eyes are such a wonderful shade of green-”

“If you like getting lectured.” Linhardt retorted. “I swear her face is perpetually angry, I’m not even in her house and she feels the need to lecture me about how dangerous it is to fall asleep by the stables.” 

“That’s just because you drive her nuts.” Dorothea argued. “She’s super cute when she’s talking about her books.”

“What about Dedue? Now that’s a man.” Sylvain was desperate to change the conversation away from any of his childhood friends. “I bet he could pick me up with one hand.”

“Oh I forgot about Dedue! Tall silent mysterious. He’s totally got it.” Dorothea purred. “He’s always so serious, I wonder what it would take to get him to loosen up a bit.” 

“I could climb him like a tree.” Linhardt noted. “There's not many people I could physically climb.” 

“And he can cook.” Sylvain added. 

“See this is what I mean! And don’t you guys also have Mercedes? That's just not fair, you can't keep all of the beautiful kind cooking angles to yourselves!” Dorothea whined. The conversation started to veer towards the culinary delicacies that the Blue Lion cooking crew managed to make that week. “You guys are spoiled with delicious sweets, and seasoned meats, I’m sure the food’s good too, but it’s utterly wasted on you Sylvain.”

“We don’t have many exceptionally good looking people in our house do we?” Linhardt ventured. “Present company excluded of course.”

Sylvain furrowed his brow in thought. “You guys have Edelgard.” 

“Striking as she is, Hubert constantly hovering over her like a shadow, somewhat detracts from her overall affect.” Linhardt noted. “Like a gargoyle perched on her shoulder.”

“If he got a haircut, he could get it.” Dorothea proposed. “He’s got nice cheekbones.”

“Cheekbones? Thea, the man doesn't have eyebrows!” Sylvain interrupted. “He’s too creepy to look at.” 

“What about Ferdie?.”

“Dorothea you have horrible taste in men.” Sylvain looked disappointed in her, and Linhardt nodded in agreement.

“Wow Sylvian, tell me how you really feel.”

“What about Golden Deer?”

Linhardt and Dorothea considered the question. 

Sylvain raised his eyebrows “Oh come on guys you know we’re all thinking it. Ok on three one two three-”

“Claude.” “Claude.” “Claude.” “Me!”

Linhardt and Sylvain turned to their new guest and Dorothea nearly jumped out of her chair and the new presence behind her.

The golden deer in question beamed at them as he pulled up his own chair and stole a cookie from Sylvain’s plate. “Are we gossiping, who am I having an alleged affair with now?” 

“We were trying to figure out which class is the hottest.” Dorothea teased. “You’re helping raise your class average, but then again you guys have Lorenz.”

Claude put a hand over his chest with uncharacteristic sincerity. “I offered him up to the other houses, but they wouldn’t take him, how dare you spit upon my House’s noble act of charity.”

“Marianne and I have been working on her smile, she’s getting pretty good at it when she doesn’t look like she’s going to burst into tears.” Sylvain observed. 

Claude stretched his arms behind his head bumping into a disgruntled Linhardt. “As fun as this sounds, why not make this a little more interesting?” His eyes glinted mischievously. The other three at the table waited for him to go on. “How long do you think before Ferdinad and Hubert get together?” 

Linhardt nearly spit out his tea, and Sylvain and Dorothea burst into laughter. Sylvain handed Linhardt a handkerchief to wipe his face with. “By get together do you mean in a duel?” The scholar sputtered. “To the death?”

Dorothea could barely contain herself. “Claude, I know you’re smart and all, but you don’t know those two like Lin or I. Ferdie and Hubie would rather the Empire fall then be in the same room for more than fifteen minuets.”

“I’m pretty sure I saw Hubert laugh when Ferdinand fell in the mock battle.” Sylvain recalled.

“They’re complete opposites, their both annoying opposites but opposites none the less.”

Claude grabbed two cookies from the basket and put them on the table cloth. “I think they're more like the sun and the moon, both revolving around her highness vying for her attention.” He demonstrated spinning the cookies around a teacup. 

Sylvain wasn’t following. “So you’re saying they're both in love with Edelgard.”

Claude scrunched his nose. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think the princess is searching for her _prince_ charming.” 

Dorothea’s face colored slightly as Claude winked at her. “So with her Majesty out of the picture, who are they gonna spend the most time with? All alone, with no one else to confide in-” 

Sylvain leaned back in his chair. “Just spending time together doesn’t mean anything. They can’t even go ten seconds without criticizing each other.”

Linhardt yawned. “I give it ten years, by then they will have married for political reasons that they regret then confess to one another in confidence in some tragic twist of fate.”

Dorothea smacked Linhardt’s arm. “That dark Lin.”

“I’ll bet they get together before Linhardt and Caspar.” Sylvain smirked at Linhardt’s disapproving glare. 

“But after you and Felix, surely.”

The ensuing argument erupted into a shouting match of epic proportions, through the chaos that was mostly caused by Sylvain, no one noticed as Claude rose from his seat and slipped away with the rest of the snacks.

“You actually did it you sneaky bitch.” Hilda patted Claude on the back as he raced into her room with a full basket of cookies and pastries. 

“They don’t even know what hit’em.” Claude winked as they dug into their bounty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
> 
> also Claude doesn't know the earth rotates around the sun bc idk what astronomy is in fodlan and i wanted an analogy

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I can write better than this, but this plot just needed to be born.
> 
> Next up: Sylvain's up to bat, and Dorothea just wants to watch the world burn.


End file.
